And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
