her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
