I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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