I think my vagina is haunted
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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