Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
