nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
