Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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