Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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