just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
