You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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