So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
