Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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