your parents love me but you hate me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
