So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
