Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
