Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
