I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
