How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dicks are not precious.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
why is half of my head shaved?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
