i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
