Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
