i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
