I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
