I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
