Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
