do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
