Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
