why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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