what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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