if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
