People in love make me want to vomit
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
birth control should be required to get into college
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
