You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
