there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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