I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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