pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
