the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
