My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
