My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
