so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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