I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
