so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
