I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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