Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
