hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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