There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
