i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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