I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
