I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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