I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
