I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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