I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
